High Times

Normally, I wouldn’t write a blog while high; I just don’t think that it’s very conducive to a linear train of thought (I’ve already used spell check twice, without finishing two sentences or using a word containing more than three syllables). And, if I did, I certainly wouldn’t admit to it, except in private, after the number of critics’ critiques were more than I cared to bear. But, I also know that there are a multitude of things that you wouldn’t ordinarily do while sober (like starting sentences with a conjunction or using so many parentheses in one post) that you would only feel so inclined to do after spending the last 60 minutes getting stoned on your neighbor’s couch. So, nothing about this post should really surprise any of us (as if my reaction time would allow for that right now anyway).

This isn’t my podium at an AA meeting to confess to you all that I have a problem, because it’s never really affected my education, (unless there’s something higher than a 4.0…) And, I’ve never allowed it to interfere with my job (although I have had a few very tired and miserable days as a result) and my relationships with my family and my friends are solid (though this could make things a bit uncomfortable, but I doubt it). However, this behavior is something that I’m going to change, even if it may prove difficult.

Here are a few reasons why it might be rough:

Reason number 1: Very few people think that it’s a problem or harmful, and if you think I’m wrong, then open up those beautiful, clear eyes and look around you.

Reason number 2.5: I live in California; we’re basically the manufacturing capital of this junk, and are known internationally for it. We have the BEST product around and that isn’t likely to change.

Reason number 3: It’s legal.

Now, to address those who are chomping at the Funion bit in their mouth, waiting to yell, “IT’S NOT A DRUG!” I would like to help save what’s left of your lungs and tell you, I agree. It’s not technically a drug; it’s entertainment.

Our consumption of entertainment often resembles that of someone who consumes and abuses drugs, and the parallels between our drug use and our interactions with entertainment contain several similarities.

We can’t get enough of this HiDef-Digital-LCD-laced crack. We wake up to The Early Show, Good Morning America, The Today Show or take a hit of Twitter, Instagram, facebook, Pinterest, tumblr., or a number of other drugs of choice. If none of those satisfy our refined palates, no problem, we have other options. Oh, and please don’t forget about your 500 GBs of television shows and movies stored on your DVR that you missed while attempting to connect with the world around you—as in a human connection.

But, maybe you’re not the stay-at-home soccer mom who enjoys the morning show programs; perhaps you’re a young hipster on top of your game (or Fixie). You’re cruising through life with a smart-phone, tablet, laptop, and/or Google Glasses attached to keep you connected at all times. . .to nothing at all. You hardly know what your friends are doing or what they’ve said, unless it’s posted on a social media site.

I could literally write page after page about this topic; but, I’m having symptoms of withdrawal already and quite frankly, I’m boring myself writing about this topic. But before I finish, let’s think about some of the main reasons people use drugs. “I was looking for an escape from reality.” “I needed to relax and unwind from the day.” “I was bored.” “I did it because my friends were doing it.” Now ask yourself why you consume entertainment. If you think I’m being dramatic, or that we’re not really addicted to entertainment, here are some of the places I’ve seen people getting their fix lately, at a national average of 34 hours per week: on a train, in a plane, in the break room and waiting room. In restaurants, cars, bars, living rooms, family rooms, dining rooms, bathrooms, bedrooms, man-caves, gyms and locker rooms. On big screens, small screens, computers, and phones. In elevators, at gas-pumps, and tables full of friends. While walking, talking, squawking, and driving. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

People think it’s a socially acceptable behavior to consume entertainment at anytime, because in large part, it is no longer unacceptable (like smoking those ridiculous e-cigarettes). Don’t smoke that stuff indoors, I don’t care if it is fruit punch flavored and smells like a Care Bear. You should wrap that thing up in one of your Ed Hardy t-shirts and bury it.

Now lastly, a look at the side effects—they’re subtle, but as time continues on, they become profound, like the circumference of your butt if you don’t stop sitting around wasting your life away in front of some digital display. Not only is it unhealthy to pollute your mind with the majority of what’s being discussed and displayed on the limitless number of growing and glowing screens, but you’re life is passing you by, along with your family and friends. I’m not suggesting you have to quit completely, but stop walking through life stoned out of your mind and numb to your environment.

Now, please excuse me, I’m going to go watch Shooter.

*The views expressed were not entirely intended to offend the reading audience, but do reflect the views of forthepurposeofwriting.com, but none of its subsidiaries. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled spot on the couch.